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Roses. Breakfast in bed. sleep in.  a spa day. hand made gifts from the kids. jewellery. dinner out – or a day “off”.

Just some of the expectations mom’s have for Mother’s Day.

But these are not mine.  I suspect that they are not my mother’s either.

 

 

You can’t give me what I want for Mother’s Day because I don’t even know what I want.  I spend most of my days figuring out what others want – my needs become unimportant at least in the daily grind they are forgotten.  My mind is too busy to even remember what I would have wanted in the first place.  Once a year we are socially permitted to ask for a day or relaxation or ask for something that we want.  But what is that exactly?

We know the greatest gifts are not ones that can be bought…they are the random hugs and kisses from kids on days that don’t start with Christmas, mother or birth…It’s the child who grows into the perfect version of who they already are.

You can’t give me what I want for Mother’s Day because it’s impossible.  You can’t bottle up my kids laughter in the sun nor catch their sweet tears.  You can’t freeze them in time – or capture the excitement in their eyes.  You can’t experience their innocence or package their dreams.  I can’t even bottle up the smallest piece of what they have taught me.  Memories, they say, last forever, but what I fear most is that some are fading away.

 

 

 

 

 

You can’t give me want I want for Mother’s Day because I am the only person who can give me what I want.

patience. acceptance. love. stillness. wisdom.

This list is for me- something I need to give myself – no one else can obtain it for me.  I need to be patient with myself.  Accept who God made me to be – and love that person.  Be still and seek wisdom – daily.

No one else can give those to me.

I will consider however, a trip to Hawaii…with a few books to read and canvases to paint;)  That would come to close to a thank-you.

“Happy” Mother’s Day.

 

 

 

It was I weekend I was looking forward to – one that I had prepared for and prayed over for almost 4 months. On February 26, 2016 I had the honour to speak at a ladies faith conference called “Awaken”.

A non-denominational women’s event – the first ever that I am aware of for Elmira.

 A great start to a well needed change.

The now Pentecostal church building holds some sweet memories for me. As I spoke on stage I couldn’t help but see myself about 34 years ago running up and down the isle of the sanctuary waiting for mom and dad to get gone talking after church service. I think I even paused a few times as a spoke to let that vision linger in my mind. Those were the years that I would have been taught many things and among the many things – how to be obedient. My primitive list of obedience was being developed.

 It was also my birthday.

I was speaking during the exact hour that I took my first breath 38th years ago.  I stood to speak about my faith journey and what a walk of obedience with God “looks” like.

What does it look like?

For those who didn’t get a chance to hear what was on my heart I decided to enter it into my blog. This is the shorter more condensed version (still long for a blog) – but it’s the main idea of what was shared that night.  I think the live version was better – more raw and authentic – but this script will have to do.

_________________________________________

What is the first word you think of when you hear the word obedience?

This was the question I started to ask people 4 months ago.  I posted on Facebook – a very statistically valid place to start. I asked family members, co-workers, students and some random people as I ordered my tea or packed up my groceries. I didn’t really know what my goal was – but it was fun collecting the answers. The answers fell within two categories

• The first category included all the words that I thought were negative in nature. Words like control, slave, dictatorship, conditioning, somber and pressure.
• The second group – the one with the most answers included words like listening, sophisticated and choice. Some of my most favourite responses came from a group of grade 12 students. They used words like necessary and quiet.

Two things surprised me about my collection of words.

1.  I was expecting that most of the answers would be negative in nature but it was the positive words that made up the larger group.
2. Although it wasn’t a very valid study in the first place – I found no correlation between age/gender and the person’s answer or church affiliation and a person’s answer. In other words I could not use a persons age or whether or not they went to church as a predictor of whether or not they would come up with a positive or negative reaction to the word obedience. What I did notice however that my Facebook friends who knew me from church all answered publicly with positive words – almost every single one of them.

But then something happened.

Private messages came in.

The private messages  portrayed a very different feeling towards the word then what was publicly admitted.

So why did I bother with this or for that matter even mention this to you?   I don’t really know except that when I sat down to study and prepare for this weekend – I couldn’t help but feel inadequate – I wasn’t so sure I should have volunteered for this topic.   Am I that terrible at being obedient? Or was it just the word “obedience” that I was stuck on. You see when I hear the word obedience I don’t fall into this larger group who think of positive things. I cannot to relate to those of you who say things like safe, choice, happy or loved. I feel embittered, uncomfortable, restless, agitated, annoyed and irritated. So it was with this irritation that I started studying to prepare for today – a lesson on obedience – a word that only made me more irritated the more I said it.

Ironic.

Before we dive into this topic I wanted to let you know that I am making two assumptions about you this evening

1. I believe that most of us actually want to obey God – in our best moments – we want to please God. Just as Matthew 5:13-14 refers to the light and salt in a dark and tasteless world.
2. My second assumption is that none of us actually obey God all the time. That one is a little easier to believe.   Most of your lives can be summarized by Romans 7:15 where Paul laments by saying, “I do not understand what I do – for what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do”.

It’s like this prayer I read the other day:

“So far today, God, I’ve done all right. I haven’t gossiped, haven’t lost my temper, haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, over-indulgent, coveted my neighbor’s spouse or taken your name in vain. I’m very thankful for that. But, in a few minutes, God, I’m going to get out of bed. And from then on, everyone that I encounter will probably need a lot of help from you.”

—–

You may have noticed that I have a painting up here on stage.  My brother, the most creative one in the family, gave me the idea to frame tonight’s talk around the artists’ process. We will start with the foundation; work through the layers of paint and than reveal the bigger picture. You will see the development of the painting and I will share with some of the struggles I had along the way.

1) THE FOUNDATION

When painter starts to paint she has to consider the canvas:

Is it pre-primed?  pre-stretched?  Are there holes I need to fix on the canvas?

She thinks about such things because she knows the foundation itself will affect the painting. In the same way when we study topic in scripture and attempt apply it to our lives we need to consider its foundation. Tonight we need to consider some important things about our canvas that serves as the foundation for this topic of obedience.

There are three elements that I want us to consider:

a) The canvas itself – I will call it undeveloped obedience

Obedience in its most primitive sense is a list of do’s and don’ts. You could read through the Bible and very easily come up with a list things you should do and things you should avoid. We need this list because it helps us learn about God and His desire to bring creation back into order. The list is necessary. It helps teach children understand right from wrong. This understanding of obedience however, is primitive.

• although lists of laws are absolutely critical – we need to move that understanding from our heads to our hearts. Without this transition from a list into a relationship with Jesus we will miss the life change that Gods wants us to experience. The painter needs to move out from the foundation or she will never have a painting.

“Obedience is of quite a different order.  It is the ability to say a particular yes in the face of options.  It is saying yes from a free place and not from a place of pressure.  And it is internalizing beliefs and ideas so that obedience becomes a way of life.”

I fear that many of us have been really good at conforming – making a list and doing our best to obey it – but are really being obedient to a list – not to God. We haven’t really experienced the head to heart transformation and started a relationship with God in the first place

b) The Canvas Pre-stretched – God has not asked us into a relationship of obedience with him without explaining why it is needed in the first place.

I had the opportunity to take some Bible courses over the last few years and a friend asked me what it was that I have learned during my studies. I answered with a list of a few things but the more I thought about it the more I landed on this statement: “after studying the New Testament there is really only one thing that I have discovered – and that is that God wants me to die. That’s it. I am supposed to die.” Now as awkward as it sounds I actually do mean it – not in the physical sense but as it refers to in Galatian 2:20

“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

So part of the foundation – to be obedient to God my Creator, is to remember the work of the cross and how that changes everything. Crucified with Christ – I no longer live but Christ lives in me.  We are called into a walk of obedience because we are accepted. Obedience is not a thing we do to get accepted – we already are. It is a reaction to our acceptance – a reaction to Christ’s work on the cross.

c) The Canvas Pre-Primed – No one starts with a blank canvas

We have been looking in Colossians – a letter written by Paul while in prison to the church of Colossae. Despite the fact that is was written during a very different time and in a very different place, probably around 90-120BC, there was still suffering, discontentment, moral sickness, physical sickness, emotional sickness, and individual helplessness.

We still have the same problems they had thousands of years ago.

The church of Colossae was a diverse church with local natives, Greeks and Jews all under one building – each of them brought their pre-primed canvas of worry, distrust, hurts, assumptions and ideas.   They brought their own individual culture – things they like, what it was they thought about God and themselves. They were subjective participants just like we are – and we bring baggage (some good and some bad) to the scripture when we study it. We have a lot of distorted perspectives –and it has changed our canvas before we have even started our painting. No one is truly objective – by admitting we are subjective is the probably the closest thing we can do to be objective.

2) THE LAYERS

The layers the artist put on the canvas aren’t always fun – some layers are hard work – some layers end up being mistakes and need to be redone – but all the layers are necessary to create the painting. In fact there was a time where I this painting off the isle, placed it on the floor and called it ugly.

I wanted to start over.

I got on my hands and knees and started to work in the paint with my fingers – within a few moments the painting shifted from ugly to intriguing.  I realized that I couldn’t start over – I couldn’t just give up – because then I couldn’t use it as an illustration of a walk of obedience – what would be the message I would give?

It’s impossible?

Just like the painters artistry – God has bestowed on us very different gifts, talents, and personalities and allows different circumstances to enter our lives. These layers make up who we are.

Obedience simply put is being who God designed you to be. So if we are going to be obedient and be who God designed us to be we need to know who God is and we need to know who we are. The foundation – our canvas – takes care of the importance of continuing to learn about God but the layers of the painting deal more with self-discovery.

A) Our focus should be on who we are becoming and honouring our raw material

There are two Old Testament prophets that I want to consider tonight to use as an illustration of this point: Isaiah and Jeremiah.

We read the commission of Isaiah in Isaiah chapter 6. In a vision, Isaiah saw the LORD and responded to Him with a “Woe to me!” and “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty” (Isaiah 6:5, NIV). But after a symbolic touch from a piece of coal from the altar Isaiah’s guilt was taken away and his sin atoned for. When the Lord asked again whom shall I send in verse 8 Isaiah piece of coal from the altar Isaiah’s guilt was taken away and his sin atoned for. When the Lord asked again whom shall I send in verse 8 Isaiah responds with no hesitation “Here I am. Send me!” (Isaiah 6:8, NIV).

The part that surprises me here is that Isaiah doesn’t even know what he is saying yes to – he doesn’t know where he is going or for how long (although he asks that later on)! He must have had a foundation that tells him that God can be trusted and he knows he is loved.   He must also have a focus of what God wants him to become.   If you read on you read that God doesn’t even promise Isaiah a wonderful ministry, in fact he promises almost the exact opposite. So why would Isaiah agree to this? Why would he step out in obedience to this calling?

If we focus on what we are becoming perhaps we could say more easily – “here I am God, send me”.

A very important application:

• If our focus is on who we are becoming it also frees us to love each other and ourselves in a much more profound way.
• We are all works in progress; no one has all the answers so there is no room for pride.
• mimic that act that Jesus did on the cross for you. He took you to his heart. He died to shut down religion and when that truth sinks in, we will experience transforming freedom, peace and rest.
• How many relationships have been scared or ended because our lack of ability to love people on their journey?
• How often have we judged someone instead of loved them?   If we are honest – way too often:

I think Isaiah understood this – he was humble and understood that his act of obeying didn’t make him greater but gave him the opportunity to be a part of something greater then himself.

Jeremiah is another Old Testament prophet who had a vision from God calling him into ministry. I like his reaction to God’s calling because I think we, as woman, can all relate to it. Jeremiah could have been only a teenager when God spoke to him. Jeremiah in chapter 1:6 said “I do not know how to speak: I am only a child”. How often do we feel inadequate or incomplete or not quite good enough? We think our raw material doesn’t cut it. I think we have all felt like Jeremiah. He was timid and young and felt that these two characteristics would make him inadequate for the mission. God promises however, just like he did with Isaiah to be with him.

• Both Isaiah and Jeremiah had raw material they had to accept about themselves – they had to make the choice to overcome their inadequacies in order to make themselves useful to God
• I’m not sure what everyone in this room struggles with exactly – we all have a hard time honouring our raw material. I feel like we spend much of our lives manicuring a Christian false self without ever really celebrating who it is we actually are in Christ.

I never fully introduced myself this evening because I was saving it until now. You can read my bio for information on what I do but this list is the more intimate and raw list:

• I am: assertive, organized, achievement oriented, I have a broad range of interests, intellectually curious, more introverted than extraverted, strong-willed, I naturally lead and I am fiercely independent. In the wrong environment I am moody, obsessive, withdrawn, vindictive, impractical, rebellious and full of pride. In the right environment I am supportive, gentle, creative, and compassionate.

I have learned to honour my raw material – the good, the bad and the ugly. I need to continue to honour everyone else’s raw material – its part of their journey.

B) Stop making lists

I like making lists – I even make the kind where I put on the list things I have already completed just so I can check it off as complete. So what’s wrong with making a list of things to follow in terms of our walk of obedience?   Well its not wrong – its just inadequate.

The Pharisees made lists in Jesus’ time- they relentlessly pursued acts of obedience to the Law, but they became self-righteous, believing they deserved heaven because of what they had done. They considered themselves worthy before God, who owed them a reward; however, the Bible tells us that, without Christ, even our best, most righteous works are as “filthy rags” (Isaiah 64:6). The Pharisees were obedient in some respects, but they “neglected the weightier matters of the law” (Matthew 23:23, ESV). They forgot the transition from the head to the heart. The list of things were not incorrect – it was the motive and heart-less act of following the list that was the problem.

I think more of us are Pharisees or recovering Pharisees then we are willing to admit. I speak to myself when I say stop being a Pharisee who cleans up the outside of her cup but leaves the inside full of greed and self-indulgence. Perhaps some of you can relate to this deceptive play.

My walk of obedience will look different then yours – why – because God gave me different then he did you. If I spend my time measuring up my obedience against you I will fall short every single time. God gave me gifts, abilities, passions and placed me exactly where he needs me to be – I’m just required to use them. If something changes – He will give me direction to change to move to do whatever it is he needs me to do. I believe He does the same for you.

I know some are disappointed because you expected a list of things to do to ensure a good walk of obedience – but I cannot give that to you.

A good teacher allows leaves a student with a struggle – you have to question things and search out the answers yourself.  It is the only way you will own it.

(but for those who still aren’t convinced here is a list)

If you start with these two declarations than at least you are on the right track:

• I declare Jesus Christ to be first in my life

• I see every aspect of my life and work as a service to God.

C) You exist for God – not the other way around.  

A story in the Bible that reminds me of this truth is the story of Esther.  In my opinion Esther is the Bibles best narrative. Its dramatic, exciting and has heroes and villains. If you haven’t read the book of Esther or haven’t in a while – sit down with a tea and read through the whole thing and watch the movie play along in your head.

The book of Esther shows God’s love and sovereignty in all circumstances. We have Esther and her cousin Mordecai the Jew, King Xerxes and Haman as the main characters. God’s name isn’t mentioned once in this story but His presence and deliverance of His people is clearly felt and implied throughout this story. Everything from Esther being an orphan, winning a beauty contest that lands her queen, the king taking favor on her, her risky business of appearing before the king without being summoned, to her request to have a banquet not once but twice before she tells the King what she wants. Based on the times she should have been killed a few times. I could have never been Esther – partly because I wouldn’t have ever entered the beauty contest but more so because I don’t think I could have been brave enough or brilliant enough to pull off the stunts she did.  She knew her role and although didn’t know how it would all go down – God was in control. She was a woman of principle who was willing to put other lives ahead of her own.

Most famous verse:4:14

“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?”

 
In Esther’s obedience the Jewish race was preserved until in the fullness of time, God entered history through her people as the Messiah. Who would have thought the orphan Esther (a woman at that) would have been the vehicle for such a miracle. Could it be that she knew she existed for God and not the other way around?    

 

The finishing touches 

The artist often will add a layer of some sort of archival quality finish to her painting. This spray or layer of special paint will help preserve the paint – keep the colour bright and avoid being faded by the environment. This spray is like the TRUST and the LOVE that comes from the relationship we have with Jesus.

Trust – it’s a choice I need to make everyday. We’ve all got our stuff – our daily stuff we need to deal with. How can I trust that God’s got my back and the He has all this figured out? He has proved himself faithful…just read His word and you cannot come up with any other truth.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding; 
in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. 
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

Love – The Cross – This is the layer with the most archival quality. The work on the cross holds much greater meaning than I ever imagined and I’m not done learning about its power. The cross shows God’s heart of infinite love even in response to my hate and hostility.

 

The Big Reveal

I realize that it wasn’t fair to ask people how they felt about the word “obedience” – it’s wasn’t fair because they didn’t have the whole picture. I didn’t reveal to them the whole painting.   If I would have had the time I should have phrased my question using some borrowed words from scripture and the extremely gifted speaker and author Priscilla Shirer: It should have sounded something like this:

If told you I knew someone who loved you so much that He was bruised to bring healing, pierced but eased pain, persecuted but brought freedom, dead but brings life, He is risen to bring power. He always was, always is and always will be. He remains undefeated. He is light, love, Lord, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, Holy righteous powerful and pure. He is your saviour, your guide, your peace, your comforter. His goal is a relationship with you. He will never leave you, never mislead you, never forget you, never. When you fall he will lift you up and he will forgive you when you stumble. When you are hurt he will heal you, when you face trials he is with you and when you face loss he will provide for you. He is the alpha and the omega, the keeper of creation and creator of all. He is everything, for everybody everywhere every time and in every way. If I told you He is your God and you are made is his image. Would obedience to a Him sound like a burden or a gift?

The word I think of when I pair obedience with the God who loves me exactly as I am right now is FREEDOM. Obedience is a gift and it brings freedom for me to be who God created me to be.  My painting is called “Freedom”.

We are all amazing masterpieces of the Creator – and like any piece of art – you’re not complete until the Creator of the piece says so.  

I hope you embrace the quest of obedience and with a teachable spirit be reminded – daily – just how much you are a treasure in God’s eyes!

“We make a mark on the canvas and when we look back, we see something that seemingly was not there a moment ago. And there is that miracle: by virtue of making marks, we have created ourselves a tiny bit more – and we actually can see more, feel more, because we have become more, by that tiny bit”. – Jerry Fresia 

Painting called “Freedom” February 2016, Acrylic on Canvas (but not a blank one:-)